I have recently begun the journey into independent publishing. It is extremely difficult to get an agent, let alone get a publisher to take you on board. I started a course with Royalty Hero in May which is helping me to learn the process of self publishing as well as marketing skills.
My first book is about matters of faith. It’s available on Kindle now and in paperback from August 5th. Find it here:
A few days ago, I opened a news app on my phone. I read of a heartbreaking incident in Vancouver, Canada. A man had driven a car at high speed through a crowd of people. There were fatalities and many injuries. Unfortunately, it is not the first incident where someone has used a car as a weapon in this way.
The story weighed upon me, along with the coverage of the wars in Gaza and Ukraine. I also read of the depressing economic forecasts, the problems in the NHS, and other senseless acts of violence. I felt extremely saddened and overwhelmed.
I thought about some troubling situations our family and friends are facing; the struggles of special needs parenting; the difficulties my autistic daughter experiences every day; and all the many things that need doing around the house and the garden despite the lack of time and spare cash to do them.
It’s a lot.
In life there is a lot to overwhelm us and make us weary; things that can even make us hopeless, if we let them.
I felt helpless and hopeless, so I did the only thing I know to do as a Christian—I knelt to pray. I cried to God and told Him that I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why things had to be so hard. I didn’t understand why people did such wicked things or why He was waiting so long to intervene in this world.
Gently I was reminded that He has intervened once, by sending His only Son to bear our sin debt on the cross. While He walked the earth Jesus repeatedly demonstrated His love and compassion on the poor, the sick, and the oppressed. He entered our broken world and experienced rejection, suffering and pain. He brought healing and hope to people. His teachings made the world a better place than it was before. In love He laid His life down, and in victory He rose from the dead. He also promised to come again.
When? How long? How bad do things have to get?
I have a theological answer to this question: The truth that God is being gracious in giving people more time to repent (turn from their sins to Him).
If I’m honest, at times that answer still doesn’t satisfy me. In Romans 8:18-23 we read about how all creation is groaning and waiting for redemption. That describes how I feel at times in this broken world. I long for a better world; for a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness reigns.
God has promised that this will happen. I’m impatient for it. I want it now. And yet I must wait.
This morning, I opened my Bible to read The Gospel of John, chapter 11. Christians will be familiar with the passage which tells a true story about a man named Lazarus. He was a good friend of Jesus and had two sisters called Mary and Martha. In the story Lazarus became sick. Jesus was sent for, but He didn’t go to his friends straight away. He had other things He needed to do first, and He had a bigger plan.
When Jesus finally arrived at Bethany, where the family lived, Lazarus had been dead and buried for four days already. Martha came to meet Jesus and cried out to him: “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Jesus responded: “Your brother will rise again.” Martha thought Jesus was speaking of the resurrection in end times, but he wasn’t.
Later in the story, after weeping with Mary and Martha, Jesus asked to be taken to the tomb. Many mourners followed them so there was a crowd of people to witness what happened next. Jesus asked for the stone to be rolled away from the tomb but he was warned there would be a nasty smell. Jesus responded, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”
They rolled the stone away and “he [Jesus] cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The crowd gasped as Lazarus slowly shuffled out, bound with grave clothes, and his face wrapped with a cloth.
After this sign, many of the Jews who had seen what had happened believed in Jesus. Word came to the Pharisees and from that point they made plans to put him to death. They were jealous of Jesus’ following.
My point in sharing the story is this: Mary and Martha had to wait, in order that a greater miracle might be done. Rather than just going straightaway and healing a sick man (as Jesus had done many times already), He had plans to do something far greater—raise a man from the dead!
Mary and Martha’s job was to trust Jesus when they didn’t understand. That is what Christians must do today, as we wait for Him to show His glory and healing hand again to a broken world.
As I meditated on these Scriptures, my attention was drawn to the lyrics of a hymn which seems appropriate to share below:
I Set My Hope
When this life of trials test my faith,
I set my hope on Jesus,
When the questions come and doubts remain,
I set my hope on Jesus,
For the deepest wounds that time won’t heal,
There’s a joy that runs still deeper,
There’s a truth that’s more than all I feel,
I set my hope on Jesus,
I set my hope on Jesus,
My rock, my only trust,
Who set His heart upon me first,
I set my hope on Jesus,
Though I falter in this war with sin,
I set my hope on Jesus,
When I fail the fight and sink within,
I set my hope on Jesus,
Though the shame would drown me in its sea,
And I dread the waves of justice,
I will cast my life on Calvary,
I set my hope on Jesus,
I set my hope on Jesus,
My rock, my only trust,
Who set His heart upon me first,
I set my hope on Jesus,
Though the world called me to leave my Lord,
I set my hope on Jesus,
Though it offer all its vain rewards,
I set my hope on Jesus,
Though this heart of mine is prone to stray,
Give me grace enough to finish,
‘Til I worship on that final day,
I set my hope on Jesus,
I set my hope on Jesus,
My rock, my only trust,
Who set His heart upon me first,
I set my hope on Jesus,
I set my hope on Jesus,
My rock, my only trust,
Who set His heart upon me first,
I set my hope on Jesus,
I set my hope on Jesus,
Written by Keith Getty, Matt Boswell, and Matt Papa
People who know me personally know that I am a Christian. By using that term, I mean that I have trusted in Jesus Christ as the promised Messiah, born to die on the cross for our sins. I also believe in the resurrection of his body from the tomb and the gift of eternal life He offers to those who trust in Him.
You may wonder if having a child with a disability has caused my faith in God to deteriorate. I mean, if God is God, why did he allow Bethany to be born with a genetic deletion syndrome? Why did he allow her to be born with a cleft lip and palate? Why did he make her autism so severe that she struggles to talk and to understand other’s speech? Why did he cause sensory processing to be so difficult and even painful for her? Is God really there? And if He is there, is He really good?
He is there. He is good.
I won’t say that I’ve never asked any of those questions. And I won’t say that at times I haven’t struggled with trusting God especially in the hardest moments. But I know that these struggles and these questions have brought me to my knees and driven me closer to the only one who can comfort me and help me get through. These struggles have driven me to the Bible and caused me to claim God’s promises over and over again. They have propelled me into the arms of the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. They have led me to pray and to witness the answers to those prayers.
Can God heal? I believe he can. Jesus healed many who were ill during his earthly ministry (often in the presence of many witnesses). Does God always heal? Not always in this life, but in eternity, yes. He promises that one day, for His redeemed people there will be no more tears and no more pain.
But why is there pain now? This is the philosophical question that many have struggled with through the centuries. We all go through hard times and the natural question is, “why me?”
I think there are solid Bible answers to these questions but it is very hard to summarize them. I will attempt this:
Firstly, we have to remember that good and evil exist. God and Satan exist. There is a battle going on. God is good and Satan is evil, but Satan wants to make God look like the bad guy. Satan deceived Eve in Eden and he persists in deception to this day.
Secondly, when God created the world and everything in it, initially, it was good. He gave only one rule, a rule to protect man from the knowledge of good and evil by telling them not to eat fruit from that tree. Man broke that one rule and sin entered in. Evil entered in. The curse entered in. Things began to decay. Thorns and weeds grew up. Man’s body began to decay. Things began to die. (Romans 8 speaks of all creation groaning under the bondage of sin.)
God had fairly warned Adam and Eve what would happen if they disobeyed Him, but He gave them the gift of free will. They chose to disobey one rule and it had eternal consequences for all of God’s creation. A proliferation of rules became necessary but unfortunately we still choose regularly to disobey.That is why it became necessary for God to send a Saviour (“God so loved he world, that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16).
Thirdly, some of the trials we go through today are the direct result of our own sinful choices. Some examples of this are; taking drugs leading to mental health and physical health problems, crime leading to prison time, immorality leading to STDs. There is a law of sowing and reaping in this world.
Fourthly, we read in Job that God allowed Satan to test Job to see if Job’s faith in God was real. Would it stand the test? Satan projected that Job only served God because God had blessed him. God knew it wasn’t true and ultimately He used the trials to bring Job into a greater personal relationship with Himself.
We have two choices when we face difficulties. As Job’s wife suggested, we could “curse God and die.” Or we could turn to God in faith and plead for His help and mercy.
I have made my choice. The Lord has helped me in the midst of difficulties and questions. He can help you too.
Psalm 66:12
“You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.” (ESV)
What is home exactly? This is a question I have been pondering recently. It is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary online as “the house, apartment, etc. where you live, especially with your family.” But is that all it is? The same dictionary goes on to say that home can also be used to describe “someone or something’s place of origin or where a person feels they belong.” This definition hits closer to the mark for me.
Home is so much more than a place. Home is a feeling. Home is “my people.” It is not just where one lives, where one lays one’s head, or where one stores all their stuff. Home is a place of safety. A place of emotional attachment. Someone can live in a house, with all their stuff, and even with their family, and still not feel safe. They are not “at home.” At home we are comfortable to be ourselves, to relax, to enjoy each other’s company, and to feel safe.
I have had several homes in my life. The first one I don’t remember because my parents moved when I was a baby. The next home, I consider my childhood home, where I was a toddler, infant, and younger junior. It was packed full of children and stuff. It wasn’t perfect. It was busy, and loud, and at times there were voices raised in anger. But it was home. I was with my family who loved me.
When I was about nine years old, we moved house again, to the house where my parents still live now. I don’t live there anymore but visiting them is like going home because I lived there for so much of my life, and because my parents are there. It is a place which is full of clutter, laughter, and occasional arguments. It is a place of love.
At the age of almost nineteen, I moved to the USA for four years of studying at university. I lived in the Halls of Residence for those four years, and although it sounds strange to say it, the place did start to feel like home. The halls lacked some of the comforts of home (privacy being one of them), but I built friendships there which became like family relationships. There were also friends living near to campus who opened their homes to me anytime I wanted to come over. They made me feel “at home,” allowing me to do laundry, share meals, and help myself to drinks etc.
There were also friend’s moms who “mothered” me, bringing me cakes and cookies to my room on campus, and taking me places, or generally just being a mother figure to talk to while living overseas. I really appreciated that. In fact, it got to the point after four years, that I felt so comfortable and “at home,” where I was, that I was apprehensive about returning “home” to my place of origin.
I lived back “at home” with my parents for seven more years before I was married and moved into a small maisonette with my husband. It was there that we got to know each other better and learned to feel “at home” with each other. It was to that home that we brought home our first daughter, Lucy. Having a baby in the maisonette made it feel even more like home. Maybe that is because to me, home is family.
During Lucy’s first nine months as a baby, we came to the realization that we couldn’t afford to grow our family living where we were. We needed to move away from my “home area” to a place where housing was more affordable. This meant leaving the area where my parents and two of my sisters lived with their husbands and children. It also meant leaving my “home church,” the church where I had been attending since I was a young teenager (apart from my time overseas). They were my friends and family, my support network. They were “home”.
We left my “home.” We moved to Wales which was “home” for my husband, although we were living in a completely different area of Wales. We had two houses there. Our first was a modern three-bedroom rental house on a main road. It was there that Lucy was weaned and took her first steps. It was there that we forged new friendships with a “new to us” church community. It was there that I discovered I was pregnant again.
We decided to buy a house before baby number two was born. We were in a hurry to move because of the pregnancy and bought a very spacious three-bedroom house in a good location, but which needed a fair amount of TLC. It was the kind of TLC that required money we didn’t have, so we spent five years making do and patching up things here and there. We did our best to make it home, and although we raised the girls through their infant years there, the area just didn’t feel like home to either of us. That house will always hold a special place in my heart though, because of all the memories we made there with our little girls. We like to visit those memories regularly on Facebook and Google Photos.
When we moved to our current house in Mid-Wales just over a year ago it was like coming home. We moved to a house on the same estate where my youngest sister lives with her husband and children. It is a town that feels like home because my grandparents lived here for most of my childhood. We were regular holiday-makers as children and teens visiting them here. Although they are deceased, the memories of my grandparents live on here. We have joined a church family where we feel at home and have made friends. Our house is cosy (small) but homey and we feel safe and comfortable here. We are home.
And yet, the older I get, the more I sense that these earthly homes are transitory. Even my current home will not feel the same as my children grow, change, and eventually move out. As I read in Scripture, “here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Hebrews 13:14 ESV). “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Phillippians 3:20 ESV). As Christians we recognise that on earth, nothing is perfect anymore. Nothing is as it was when it was created. And “now (we) desire a better country, that is an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city” (Hebrews 11:16 KJV).
As well as looking for our future eternal home, Christians are told to be at home in God. In John 15:4 Jesus said, “Abide in me.” To abide in is to make one’s abode in or to remain in. We are to be at home in God’s presence. We are to be at home in God. We are also to be at home with God’s people, in God’s house. “Blessed are they that dwell in thy house: They will be still praising thee” Psalm 84:4. I suppose that really it makes sense, in the context of believing in a Creator God, that we should feel at home with Him. The homes we have on this earth in this transitory life are simply foretastes of eternal home, eternal refuge, eternal safety, with and through the LORD God who made heaven and earth. May those foretastes feed our yearning for him!
Memories, Musings, and Meditations 