I often post about special needs parenting. I write about autism and our youngest, Bethany; and the difficulties her ASD causes for her. Let me talk to you a bit about our eldest daughter, Lucy today.

Lucy is my gorgeous, fun-loving, active, never stop talking, exuberant girl. She is highly intelligent, loves school, and is extremely sociable and friendly. She is kind and compassionate and very sensitive.

Lucy is also highly anxious. As a young toddler she would scream and cry if put into an unfamiliar situation. Sometimes she would even throw up if her routine was changed or she had to enter nursery via the office due to tardiness!

With the support of school staff and good communication, Lucy has learned to be more flexible and to go with the flow. And Bethany’s autism has challenged Lucy too and forced her to learn how to manage her anxiety.

Last summer, we had several difficult walks which resulted in Lucy having panic attacks due to Bethany’s inflexible behaviour out and about. Bethany wants to go her own route, not mum’s planned route, or she won’t cross the road, or lies down on the ground when we don’t go her desired way. One time she even laid down in the middle of a busy road! Bethany is also heavy and very strong so carrying her isn’t always an option.

It got to the point last summer when Lucy didn’t want to go out for walks with just me and Bethany in case Bethany was hard to manage. She still prefers to go out with daddy as well as mummy because of this. However, she is learning to be brave. She is learning to manage her anxiety so that it doesn’t spoil her opportunities for fun. She is learning to take deep breaths and to relax and be patient with Bethany, because Bethany does everything “in her own time.”

She is also learning ways of managing the challenging behaviours of Bethany. She’s the one to say “mummy give her a distraction to calm her down.” “What about the fidget bag mummy?” Or “use the phone/tablet.” Or sometimes she will completely diffuse a stormy situation by breaking out into one of Bethany’s favourite songs.

The other day the girls were running down the hill from school when Lucy accidentally bumped Bethany. Lucy and I looked at Bethany and we saw the angry reaction starting on her face. With a flash of brilliance Lucy started singing, “if you you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.” The situation was saved. Lucy didn’t get hit or bitten this time. She knew just the right thing to do to change Bethany’s mood.

This child, our 6 year old Lucy, is a young carer. She puts up with a lot. She is learning a lot about autism by being part of our family. And she loves her sister in spite of the challenging stuff. They play together. They dance together. They laugh together. They watch TV together. They cuddle together. And sometimes they fight together. And Bethany always wins if mummy or daddy don’t get there first.

We are so proud of Lucy. She manages all this stuff at home and still works really hard in school. We hear glowing reports. We wonder what the future holds for her. We know God has good plans!

#proudparents
#youngcarer
#autism